Closet Man

I need answers...WHat do you do when a gay guy who isnt gay or so he thinks asks you for your number?

a.) Tell him to check his sexuality at the door and then run

b.) Give him your number

c.) Tell him you dont have a phone and dont accept numbers



C.) Thats what I did, but after saying that and having him stair at my butt while applying burts bees to his lips over and over...i just felt violated once again. First an email now a gay man who no idea.Nothing wrong if he is, but bearded man quotes "you should have grabbed his hand and simply yanked him out of his closet and then quickly stuff him back in" ha

Taking the Good in

Sometimes you just have to look around you to find the good of life

Winning regional champs Indoor soccer...aka.....What did i sign myself up for. WAZAAAAAAAAAAAA

team snap:

To: Lauren From: Jackie
Lauren and Coach

Distrubing Emails

I am just really scared of this junk email I got. I felt violated via Email. Could someone have put me on a dating sight as a joke????? Has Facebook WON? and Now accepting Wackos to get peoples emails..........................................
From: "doug ruben" Subject: Hello Prince!!.....................................(WHAT)

-I am afraid you will be surprised with this letter. I have found yours email on website. I have been surprised, that they have allowed me to see yours email.
First I want to ask, whether correct it email? And you have profile on it dating website? And if you really search serious relations I want that you have answered me mine privat email: prolitka@yahoo.com. So it is real you, and I have your correct email? If yes, speak me, and I shall write more
about me and I shall give you my photo. Ok?
So I hope to have letter from you soon because I am disappointed with people on website which write to me there. They want only chat or sex. But I want more serious, I want relation. Well, I shall not speak much in this letter because I
really am not sure that is your correct email. But hope dies last! ....
So write to me, I shall wait your letter, with your photos.
Please sorry if I have mistake and you do not search any relations.
I only check my destiny...What the hell does that mean? .In any case take care!

Its pretty much obviously this "Hello Prince" doesn't speak any English

Perhaps he looks like this:

Christmas Handicaps!!!! SO bad it needs a parking sticker

Ladies and Gents blog spot written by:

Jen Feje's personal take on Christmas Handicaps

Ahh, its Christmas time; Yule tide carols, eggnog, the Uncle Franks wearing the trademark reindeer sweater/thing , gifts you receive that tend to be10 sizes to big, creepy Great Uncle Freds comments on how much more of a lady you are becoming that coincides with a 20sec longer hug, and the fruitcake unacceptable re-gift. Its sad because we will always be affected by the disease of the Christmas Handicap and some people will never get it!!!

You may think that I sound like a Christmas Scrooge, but believe me I am far from that. I actually look forward to Christmas ever year because every year people try to live by the Christmas stigma which I like to call the Christmas spirit "A time when people give a little more and pass along that oh so wonderful blissful feeling". But, every year I laugh because it seems that the Christmas spirit seems to get a little more lost in translation.

In saying so here are a few attributes to the beginning of a slow death of this heavenly spirit:

-"Do you have gift boxes?"
So here you are in Abercrombie and Fitch looking for a gift for your little six year old clothes because we all know its only 0,00,-0,etc. You then take your 2 shirts for $100 but before you leave you need a gift box. "Do you have gift boxes?" The answer is 9 1/2 times out of ten no. FIGURE IT OUT stores..consumers buy gifts...To WRAP IN BOXES.

-Hanna Montana vs. X-Box 34q080958
I was sitting on my couch at home peacefully eating my Christmas cookies and drinking hot chocolate when the news came on. I was excepting to hear about the blistering cold temperatures or the anticipated snow fall that we were supposed to have. Instead of the important news. I found myself enraged with the stupidity that a portion of human race has amounted too. Tell me this, who in their right mind came up with the idea of camping outside of a store for three consecutive days for a stupid gaming system or Hanna Montana monstrosity. Where has their dignity and pride gone? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that your health and well being should not be sacrificed for a media induced thing. So as they sit and freeze their asses off and news continues to cover them like they are real troopers, martyrs at that. I will just sit at home warm with my pride and dignity and wait till after Christmas in which I will get the same media induced monstrosity at the discounted price.

-EBAY all the WAY
This next one actually ties into the whole stupidity of camping outside, not only are they stupid they are also are the epidemy of greedy. Chances are these loons do not even want the gift. They want to buy 10 of them and sell them on EBAY. Now that's the Christmas Spirit, buy all the toys so that all the good little boys and girls don't even have a chance to get them just so you can make a quick buck. Again, does this sound very Christmas Spirit to you? But you know who is going to get them? The spoiled kid with the over zealous rich parent who is going to pay 100 times more then actual retail price just so they can have bragging rights. We are supposed to be sharing and caring instead of stealing and dealing!

- YOU SCAN, I SCAN Don't use the U-SCAN
Just as cheverly has died, I am beginning to think that being considerate and having manners is a thing of the past. I used to think that common sense was something that some people used and some people just decided not to, but after spending just a few painful minutes in Meijer I realized that I needed to retract that statement. I am knowingly convinced that there at just some people who are just plain lacking a brain. During the Christmas season it is already known that waiting in long lines is inevitable but there are some things that people do that make this process even more painful. I only went into Meijer for one quick second, just needed some Christmas essentials, vodka, tape and wrapping paper. Three items. Now my logic would be I am going to use the express lane or the U-scan because my common sense would tell me that these lanes are reserved for two reasons

1. People that have ten items or less, (ok so we are all guilty of sneaking in 12)

2. Have enough brains to know how the U-Scan works.

- Santa to Rehab
I honestly think this poor fictitious character is getting a bad wrap. He is supposed to bring Christmas cheer to all good girls and boys. He is the symbolic recognition of Christmas. Who doesn't want to believe that Santa lives in the North Pole makes toys and loves cookies and milk? Why has Santa's moral gone down? It first started with the movie release of Bad Santa and has kind of taken a tumble from there. I feel that now in movies they write about Santa having a drinking problem, smelling like booze, stashing a flask in his beard, basically Santa now needs to go to rehab. People this is Santa we are talking about.

Thanks Jen................... xoxoox

You just got BAh HUm BUGGGEEDDD

As the world is throwing up HOliday frickin cheer in my face I can't help the fact that I feel like ( I am) rebelling against the whole matter. Yes, X-mas will never go away and Cindy that lil Who can get mad all she wants at me, but I am pretty much a Bahh Hum bugger . I am a member since 1987 when I knew Santa didn't exist. . anyways show me this neat tree decoration, ill just "bah hum bug" instantly .. you handcrafted a gingerbread house... You just got "Bah HUmmm BUGed" .Personally none of this tickles my fancy except Starbucks really has a nice peppermint mocha that really stands out in December.


Everyone is ice skating (touchy subject) and dancing around, some people are tearing up over all of these touching stories on TV and the Radio( myself included.. I am not the Tin Man) , Old Navy decides to market all their clothes with love and couples who twirl and have puppies in gift boxes..

Never the Less......The only enjoyment I will get this year from Christmas is the fact that X-mas brings the new year. Viva 2008!


ps. I do like presents and family time though....

As good as a X-mas Cookie

Purely eye candy

Ms. Spray-han

Those who got "Speared"

The Friends don't let Friends list 2007

Now we all know the :Friends don't let friends drive drunk: But over the last year I have created my own addition that I would love to share so in 2008 this DOESN't EVer happen..(cough cough.. ok friends???)

1. Friends don't let friends date hockey players
2. Friends don't let friends drunk dial
3. Friends don't let friends go out in public looking like a disaster
4. Friends don't let friends date someone who has a lisp
5. Friends don't let friends drunk text
6. Friends don't let friends go home with a randoms Alone
7. Friends don't let friends go out without with having someone on "standards"
8. Friends don't let friends date best friends
9. Friends don't let friends wear beer goggles for too long...that is
10. Friends don't let friends go down with out a fight
11. Friends don't let friends feel abnormal alone
12. Friends don't let friends dance on tables alone
13. Friends don't let friends steal their attention

14. Friends do let friends shimmy
15. Friends do let friends obsess about their ex for only a hot sec

I've 'Unlocked the Mystery' of the Journey Pendant Diamond

If you're a girl, we all know this haunting commercial that bites any single person in the butt or any person in a relationship that is going no where...Tears or anger personally get me...other people just have to change the channel ASAP! Its like Barney or something.

the Journey Diamond Jewelry commercial... "How can I (frickin) tell you, that I love you"
The set up for the "Sleeping Beauty" commerical, when the husband wakes up out of no where and decides oh..."tonights the perfect night to give my wife that I love so much an expensive diamond pendant when she is sleeping so peacefully and perfect" and then the wife wakes up ..just barely surprised.

The set up for the "Love is a journey that has no end" when the husband is stopped at a random red light he pulls out the pendant and just gives it to his wife for kicks. And then they play that sweet song by Landon Pigg (Coffeeshop) and make out through green light.

Anyways...... These really tick me off..not only because I'm solo, but seriously no husband is going to pull that stunt of niceness unless he did something wrong. I think before the commercial should start by seeing the husband popping out of bed with a different person, feeling so upset on his way home he gets this necklace and then jumps in bed with his wife and instead of waking her up with his lateness and lies, its diamonds..win win.

All I know is that the marketing team pondered this idea and thought "Lets think of the nicest thing a husband wont do and use it. That should force women to give their husbands/boyfriends crap...or if they receive one should make them wonder what they did wrong" ..hmmm it will be the sketchy pendy.

ahh, that felt good.


http://journey.adiamondisforever.com/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEnLEeDzhzs

Weekend Recap

Start off with this:
PUKE
SHePratt makes USweekly
She was arrested for shop lifting in Hawaii where she worked on the set of LOST. Stephanie says she started smoking pot at 15. "In a matter of months, I was on to other things," she adds. "I was a blackout drinker too. "Once in history class, I was so high that when the teacher wasn't looking, I asked a girl to feel my heart. It was beating so fast I thought I was going to die."

Her brother couldn't deal with her problem....this is just garbage. WHY are these people getting this attention???????

But on a good note. I am sooo soo happy I got a 2 hr movie length recap about LC/Lauren about her life on MTV. What if her Laguna career never came about...where would we be at 10 pm on Mondays? What are we gonna do until MTV makes up more artificial situations with LC/Lauren after tonight's finale? :0

2ndly: Name calling

When someone looks like a movie star, sitcom character, dork, model, or someone who you feel it is necessary to make a comment about please follow these actions to make your point across:
1. Ask them if they just walked out of the "abercrombie magazine" .... should get the point across that they look like a model or fake. Or one of the favorites " did you come out of the bitch 'R' us magazine?" if their face is totally mean.
2. If they have something colorful on ask " What is your favorite color"
3. IF they look like they belong on the Office...ask if their name is "Dwight"...this man in the picture personally did not like it and we threw the off brand of cheezits at him. HA

- there you go Kmart you made the blogski


3rdly : Attention Seeker
Old men are creepers..Given, but they allow you to take control of your own bar experience destiny. Make friends...you don't have to wait in line.
Therefore, Dayna and I were allowed to fill up our own trophy at our soccer banquet because we were league Champs!!! #1!!

Slanty Banty

LIsa Marie Greens
in the
Side Mouth Tribute

This lil diddy goes out to you Lisa. When you get drunk you talk out of the side of your mouth like someone who has downs or a stroke, but you know what I love it and its addicting. The more and more I find myself favoring a certain side of my mouth when socializing involving booze.
Love you xoxox

CHIILLSSSS

Sex & the City movie trailer:
I just got the goosebumps just to hear Carrie Bradshaw's voice aka SJP.


http://www.usmagazine.com/video_watch_the_sex_and_the_city_movie_trailer

OH la la

Knowing what you are worth!

I'm trying to decide what my personal net worth is. What is my individuals net personality position. I am calculating this equation as an example of a life re-evaluation. In other words I am doing my own personal self help session because who really wants to go in the self help section at the book store...like come on . This is perfect to see what caliber of a person you are and how much better you are than the liabilities that drag you down! (to be honest this is a vent pep for myself.)

How to calculate:
My values - the values of all liabilities = Happy Camper with a net worth of Brilliant Fab New YOU!!!

Values include- Liabilities include:

• Goals - Crazy from your last boyfriend
• Personality - Made up rumors
  
• Motives -ExBoyfriends
• Lade back - Doubting yourself
  
• Achievements - Letting things get to you
  
• Career ambitions - Liars
  
• Looks ;) - Negative people
  
• Athletic - Karma
• Humor - Sluts
  
• Culture - Loosing your edge (very important)
  
• Knowledge - Second guessing
  
• Intelligence - Not being YOU
  
• Crafty - Society
  
• Creative - Impaired judgment
  
• Thoughtful/caring - Alcohol
  

That felt good. And sounds charming. Hopefully this with solve many things!!!!

Scary VS. Cute

Cute:
Scary: